I was at commencement at a Christian college this weekend, and it reminded me of the question millions of young people are asking this time of year.
We never grow out of that question: Who is operating out of a wisdom surplus?
But the vast majority of people start at the wrong place.
When I finished college, I desperately wanted to know what I should do next. Find a job? Go to grad school? Where? In what field?
I prayed until I was exhausted (and God was probably a little tired of it too). I was ready to do whatever. Just send me a postcard. Put it in sky writing. But I would have gotten more clarity with a Magic 8 ball.
For a good reason.
Which I did not understand for many years. And its this:
God’s main purpose for you is not what you do. Its who you become.
If I always told my kids what do to–wear these clothes, take this job, marry this person–they might do what I say. Their circumstances might even turn out OK.
But they would not grow into excellent persons.
To grow into an excellent person, you have to make choices, exercise judgment, take responsibility, and learn.
There is no short-cut for this.
So, if I want my children to become excellent people–my will for their life will often be: “You choose.”
God knew that I would grow if I had to make choices in ways I would never grow if I got a heavenly postcard.
“God’s will” is not a way of escaping the anxiety and responsbility of making decisions.
I had a friend–a really bright guy and great New Testament scholar–who was convinced it was God’s will for him to marry the girl he wanted to marry because a certain song played at a certain moment on a certain radio station.
It wasn’t God’s will. It was just a Barry Manilow marathon.
Sometimes a Barry Manilow marathon is just a Barry Manilow marathon.
How do I know God’s will for my life?
–Live this day in an open, repentant spirit.
–Understand that living in God’s will often means I must make decisions.
–Pray constantly, regularly asking for wisdom in small moments, without placing pressure on God to give any particular kind of response.
–”Let your life speak”: Parker Palmer wrote a wonderful book by this title from an old Quaker saying; if you look at the trajectory of your life with simplicity and openess certain patterns will emerge that will help you understand your shape and gifts and longings
–Have wise, godly people speak into your life with love and truth
–Be willing to make mistakes and learn from them quicker rather than slower
–Have a mind immersed with great thoughts from Scripture
–Practice making decisions and learning from them all day long
–Live in freedom and joy. Trust God that He can guide you into His will without your obsessing over it.
The Barry Manilow marathon part cracked me up. (Mostly, because I’ve done that. “God, give me a sign!” ha)
When I was a little girl, living in a town you might have heard of, John. (Rochelle, Ill.) I knew I wanted to study musical theater and was concerned about whether or not I was allowed to dance. We’d been to visit my grandparents in Indiana and so I had an empty Big Red (soda) bottle next to my bed.
I prayed and prayed, “God, if I’m allowed to dance, would you fill that Big Red bottle up by morning?”
It was empty in the morning. I was dejected. Of course, I was also about 7 at the time.
It’s still tempting from time to time to ask for a song on the radio, but those types of signs usually have more to do with our awareness (like when you buy a car and suddenly notice everyone else seems to be driving the same car) than a sign from God.
You’re spot on, as usual. Thanks for the great post, and for the laugh today.
All the best!
deb
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. As a therapist, I hear this question often. I yearn to direct others to solve their own problems in a Godly way! This helps! Thanks!!
Thank you so much. This blog was an answer to prayer today. I appreciate the wisdom and reminders it contained.
This thought and struggle resonates with so many people. Christ followers and not Christ followers. If I just knew God’s will, I would do it. So, sadly often we live waiting for that special instruction, or marching orders. Love this question better, “who am I becoming?” Not so much… what am I supposed to be doing? I love to think we can help our kids a whole lot better in understanding God’s will for them in this perspective.
AMEN! I needed to hear this. Right now–in this moment.
Thanks for the encouragement and wisdom.
Awesome. Thank you so much for posting this.
This is GREAT! I put a link and some parts of this post on my blog! I hope you don’t mind! Very Inspiring!
Excellent post, as a pastor I encounter people all the time asking the question “what should I do” rather than “who does God want me to become”. Perhaps we look for God to make our decisions so that if things don’t work out we can blame him! I agree with you John God allows us the freedom to make decisions and it is the journey that allows us to become. Thanks! Prov. 16:9
Dear John, I really love your thoughts on this topic… as a pastor, like Bernie Anderson, I have to constantly battle with this question… I am going to translate and contextualize your thoughts into Chinese language so as to bless more people… I hope you don’t mind…
HHS…
Abel…
Excellent post, as a pastor I encounter people all the time asking the question “what should I do” rather than “who does God want me to become”. Perhaps we look for God to make our decisions so that if things don’t work out we can blame him! I agree with you John God allows us the freedom to make decisions and it is the journey that allows us to become. Thanks! Prov. 16:9
Thank you for this! It definitely gave me an “ah ha” moment – light bulb went off, “God’s main purpose for you is not what you do. Its who you become.” I really needed to hear this right now. I needed to hear that “I” have to make choices, exercise judgment, take responsibility, and learn.
If only more people could hear about this.
Super awesome writing! Honestly.
If only more people could read about this..
Hi – I think this is a brilliant article. It’s basically what I’ve always believed but not managed to articulate so well. I’ve come across so many christians that are busy doing God’s work (which is of course great) but who don’t seem to appreciate the point that God’s first priority with us is to make us into the people we are meant to be. Also there’s the ones that won’t do anything until they’ve heard from God – this is so wrong. I’ve printed the article out and am going to pass it around my house group. Thanks.
Thank you for a great article! When I was 17 that was the question in my youth group. It never quite got answered so well. Now I can give that answer to a dear friend of mine who is graduating from college next year along with my son. Thank you and God bless you.
It all has to do with how God created us “in his image” but gave us free will so that when we make the right decision it truely will be in his image – what I am trying to say is when we reflect his image, the decisions we make are right;and if we could throw the dice and find out what he wants and do it just so we wouldn’t get into trouble with him, it really wouldn’t be his will because it wouldn’t be our choise as a response of trust in his perfect love for us. Did all that make any sense?
I was at Willow Creek yesterday and the guest lecturer mentioned one of your books. I was immediately reminded of just how much I enjoyed your lectures there on Wednesday nights back in the 90’s : )
Many years ago I heard an old (at least he sounded old) radio preacher quote a fundamentalist preacher from his youth. He stated that God wanted to be so involved in our lives that He even wants to tell us how to comb our hair. I remember that statement striking a chord with me at the time; would God really want to tell me how to comb my hair? Well, I don’t have to worry about that anymore because I don’t have enough hair to comb. But over the years I’ve come to realize that God enjoys the fact that I ask His direction on even the most seemingly insignificant subjects. For instance, I can sometimes receive clear direction on what item to purchase, but not receive any direction regarding subjects of seemingly greater importance.
As Solomon wrote, there’s a time for everything. I often wonder about the 40 years Moses spent in the wilderness, the years between fleeing Egypt and meeting God at the burning bush. I also wonder what Jesus was doing from His teen years until age 30? Could it be that God allows seasons where we’re mostly relying on our own scripture guided decision making and other seasons where he wants us to follow Jesus example as stated in John 5:19? I don’t know about anyone else, but that appears to be the way that God has chosen to work in my life.
Thank you John, for this thought provoking message. (I miss your teaching!)
I think that fear is a powerful motivating tool when attempting to escape the fear of making personal decisions.
I know I have asked God to split the heavens if he wanted me to go here or there. I asked because I was afraid to make the decision as the responsibility felt too big.
I think another reason that I asked God to make the decision for me is that I am afraid of making a mistake. A good friend once said, “I can never run ahead of God.” I have needed that wisdom in my life.
Lastly, fear also has kept me from significant movements in my relationships, as I believe I will be embarrassed or rejected.
“Letting your life speak” has been valuable for me. Instead of grasping for the infatuation of greatness, I can focus on the things I am good at. It is freeing because I am not forcing myself to do something I feel I ought to, or should do. Such perspective frees me to gravitate towards vocations and activities I want to invest myself in.
This really spoke to me; for I was just praying to God to help with a decision. I was engaged to marry a man and he was looking to change jobs and strangely enough he got a job interview with MPPC. My friends and family prayed for God to show favor and he did – he is now working in your facilities department.
We attended church together regularly; as I wanted him to know God’s love in hopes of him being saved. However, after taking a job with the church he began to speak very negatively about God’s people; based on his daily interpersonal communications at work. Sadly, as time went on he became more and more negative about God’s and stop attending church with me.
He began to slip into a pattern of deception and began only to not reject the people at work, but to reject me as well. I diligently prayed for answers and guidance from God, but here I sit still waiting. So, I reached out to his supervisor to pray for him. Unfortunately, the supervisor informed him of my prayer request – he threatened to file a restraining order against me and barred me from MPPC.
I love what you say about “God’s main purpose for you is not what you do – it who you become.” While it has been a difficult time for me – I have become a person I could never imagine. I have become kind in the midst of pain, deceit, and rejection; I have become even more forgiving; and I can still show God’s unconditional love to someone who has deeply hurt me.
So, thank you for imparting those words and providing me the answer to the question that I was so desperately seeking.